Your Guaranteed Invitation to the Lint Ball

All my ideas are balled up in my sweaty palm dangled before the cart. I keep on moving, pretending they'll be used in a future art project or story, until found wasting away in the corner like dust bunnies with carrot breath, consumed but ultimately useless.
Attempting to concieve a child through science with my partner, both working 40 hrs+ a week, bombarded by holidays. Pardon the construction as I turn up the heat, the lint tray should pluck out some good sh*t that's been pillaging my brain.

12.14.2007

Pine Valley: Way Gay Before Bianca


Pine Valley was a homosexual town long before binks came out. For pete's sake, it had a GAY BAR. I watched this show from birth, as the womenfolk in my clan are ABC soap people. Old school soapers don't stray from their network. From Erica's gay assistants, to the utterly queer decor of the flimsy sets, All My Children is perhaps the gayest soap on television.
Bianca only made it more gay. My aunt bless her heart is perhaps the largest All My Children fan. When I was in the fourth grade, she turned me on to Susan Lucci haircare products (she's also a big QVC freak). I used the Lucci line in their black & red bottles until they ran out.
When they started the Big Gay Bianca plot line, to quote ABC's site, "Bianca felt smothered by Erica's mothering and it was clear something was weighing heavily on her mind." What the hell does that mean? She turned gay because her mother was smothering her since she was coming to terms with being gay?
Huh?
Bianca started hanging out with Rain, this homeless girl, and again I quote ABC, "they seemed to share an easy rapport, much more so than the snooty girls Bianca encountered at Pine Valley High. Leo escorted Bianca to the Halloween dance and Bianca was crushed when she heard her classmates call her weird. A teary Bianca then ran into Rain, who said she knew a place where Bianca would feel more comfortable."
I remember I was in my dorm room in undergrad (Go Blue!) working on an art project with All My Children in the background when I saw Bianca and Rain go to a GAY BAR in PINE VALLEY, but they are followed by Leo and Greenlee (you remember Leo?? The guy who could act and was funny (as far as soap acting goes?))
Using fake ID's Bianca pretended uncomfortability but she was loving it. I was all over the telephone calling everybody I knew. Hello! Gay bar on national TV! Granted, 'The Blue Angel' was a gay bar circa 1989, but what the hell, that's what made it hilarious. It was dark and dank, with slinky patrons drinking beer from the bottle, Melissa and KD blaring. I've been in many gay bars but none like Pine Valley's queer dive.
You never really saw it again because Bianca was one of those 'I'm too good for a working class small town lesbo bar in PA' sort of lesbians. The kind who wears forty dollar lipstick from her mother's cosmetic company. Leo and Greenlee spied on Bianca trailing her to the bar, and this is where ABC's site cracked my *ss up, "Greenlee was shocked to discover that Erica Kane's daughter was gay, but Leo was very tender and supportive of Bianca. Bianca feared Erica wouldn't love her if she learned she was gay and Leo promised to keep Bianca's secret." Gag.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What about that Polish chick she was dating? She was my favorite. you should write about her. I hated that freakish Zoe plotline. they should have had an FTM on.

Just a thought.