Your Guaranteed Invitation to the Lint Ball

All my ideas are balled up in my sweaty palm dangled before the cart. I keep on moving, pretending they'll be used in a future art project or story, until found wasting away in the corner like dust bunnies with carrot breath, consumed but ultimately useless.
Attempting to concieve a child through science with my partner, both working 40 hrs+ a week, bombarded by holidays. Pardon the construction as I turn up the heat, the lint tray should pluck out some good sh*t that's been pillaging my brain.

1.07.2008

SVH: Recap Volume 1 (Double Lovin')



I don't know where to begin. It's even better than I remember. The book opens with Jessica in false hysterics over being fat. "Jess looked in the mirror and saw a picture of utter heartbreak and despair. But what was actually reflected in the glass was the most adorable, most dazzling sixteen year old imaginable." Francine Pascal is in love with Jessica and that is why the first three pages of the book are dedicated to the description of the twins' physical appearances. Literally at each turn of the page your smacked in the face with another adoring comment.

The entire purpose of this book is to show us that women will compete over men but there is no real feeling behind the attempts, because it's all about the competition with other women. Well, that's what it's like for Jessica, who is the stereotypical repressed lipstick lesbian. She is also unfortunately the stereotype neurotic egomanical lesbian who is looking for a gal just like herself. She is in fact in love with herself. Like her variety of women, she uses men as a distraction, an excuse. A source of competition with the people who really matter, other women.

I have deduced that Elizabeth is in fact not a lesbian. She is not overly competitive over men in this episode, as we find her drooling over the biggest tool in the school, Todd. Unhealthily obsessed with the poor guy, he's digging her too, because nosy annoying people have an uncanny ability to sniff each other out. Let's just say I hope she's not gay because the gang don't need none of that.

I'd forgotten how much Lila reminds me of Veronica in the Archies. Or how Bruce reminds me of Reggie Mantle. But I digress. Right away the foundation of classist behavior is set when Jessica for no apparent reason (unless you understand this type of lesbian and have read many lesbian pulp novels) goes after the "Bad Boy" Rick Andover, with his hooded eyes and fast car. Jessica obviously went for it with him as a distraction not because 'rod' Todd wasn't available, it was solely as a punishment and source of excitement, as this late fifties lesbian pulp novel stereotype is known to do. Then all of a sudden she is shocked and scared when he tries to get it on with her? Get her drunk? Um, sneaking out in slutty clothes isn't what I would consider a turn off. I'm not going so far as to say she was asking for it, but I think subconsciously she was searching for excitement and distraction from her TRUE FEELINGS.

Sidebar note- Their weird brother Steven who is such a loser he comes home from college every weekend is dating a member of the proletariat- a working class family of alcoholic people who actually have sex. Oh NO!!!

No one, not even the illustrious Sweet Valley Wakefields, are as naively out to lunch as Jessica pretends to be. IT IS ALL AN ACT. I will present the gay evidence from Double Love, and look forward to presenting a complete profile by the end of this series that Jessica Wakefield is indeed a repressed lesbian that deserves outing!

Gay Points of Interest:
*On page two Jess is having her own wet dream, hovering her face an inch from Elizabeth's. It's strange because who hovers their face an inch from their sister's when they are sixteen?
"Only thing duller are my eyes. Look at that color Liz," She poked her face an inch from her sister's nose and fluttered long lashes"...
Since she is in love with herself she secretly physically longs for Elizabeth, if only Elizabeth could have a personality transplant. The whole moment feeds into my theory that this series started because Pascal had a lesbionic twin fetish.

*Elizabeth has a new outfit. It is a 'tuxedo', that we are told looks better on Jessica (of course!!! Overtly feminine women in tuxedos are soooo gay!!!)

*"Jessica felt a tiny twinge of panic. Why was Todd ignoring her? Had something happened to the Wakefield magic? Impossible! (their italics) She was still the most fantastic girl in school." Because of course it's about how fantastic she is, and has nothing to do with him. She is only interested in his status.

*Jessica is a classic tease, and if you learn anything from lesbian literature and movies (especially those made by non-gays) you learn that repressed emotionally unstable bipolar lesbians are always teases. She wants to be wild an out there with guys and have this big social status, but at the same time she is disgusted by hetero sex, so she pulls back. Believe me, it ain't 'cause she's so holier than thou that she's waiting till marriage.

*Some could question Elizabeth's description of the woman their dad is supposedly having an affair with as bi-curious, but I would say it's the author's lesbian tendencies showing.

*The "Class Clown Stereotype Who's not funny" Winston Egbert is in love with Jessica, and when he talks about Jessica, as Elizabeth says, his voice gets all serious. Because of course, according to contemporary sources, the class clown always goes for the repressed lesbian.


No comments: