Okay, I will now announce I am going to be reviewing SVH out of order now, instead rereading what I can get my hands on. I picked up #8 Heart breaker for a dollar, and I was robbed.
This one stinks! I can't imagine what I thought the first time I read it. I don't need to work real hard on making it gay, either. My central thesis, that Jessica is a repressed lesbian of the worst stereotype is flourishing with each book reviewed. Her lack of compassion or real interest in men is well represented in Heart breaker, as she teases and taunts Bill who has a huge crush on her (really it's because of his dead ex-girlfriend who happens to look like Jessica).
Jessica has no interest in seeing him until 'quiet, shy' DeeDee Gordan comes on the scene wanting him. Then all of a sudden Jess is all over it. Because truly, it's all about the girls.
There's this lameass side plot about some old friend of Todd's who happens to be a mega hot model returning to SVH, and Elizabeth's afraid Todd will be all over that. Elizabeth, of course, knows not what she says, "Obligated? Jess, have you really looked at Patsy? (because a southern rural name is the best choice, Pascal) Can you imagine any guy feeling obligated to be nice to her?" The look on Jessica's face in this moment would have been priceless, because Jessica's absent reaction, and only half-interest in Elizabeth's plight suggests she can see Elizabeth's point quite clearly.
The main focus in this book is exploring what a good actress Jessica is. That's right, she is damn good. She can throw overemotional theatrics all day long, because she's acting 24/7!!!! She's playing the role of a straight woman, and not very well I might add.
I am a good feminist, but I feel bad for the guys Jessica dates. She blue balls them all, and as you will see in my review of Wrong Kind of Girl, she's a hypocrite about it. She teases them, leads them into thinking they have a chance, and then after a few chaste kisses (she seems to secretly loath the feel of a beard on her chin) kicks them to the curb.
Bill of course in this one looks like Luke Wilson, and it appears he has his acting abilities because when DeeDee's father comes to see them practice their play, he says he saw someone with immense talent perform, but at the time won't say who. It's all lame, but Jessica gets it hard thinking he's talking about her, which he should have been, but then again how many repressed good looking blondes does Hollywood need?
Lila, who's been blandorama lately, is all over Jess that she's the hottest thing ever. An entire giant side note, Elizabeth must know something's wrong with Jessica. That's why Elizabeth gets bent out of shape when Todd says something negative about her sister. Because they must all protect the precious from herself.
So much of this one is from the perspective of lame ass Bill that I found myself skimming ahead. Pascal sucks at writing from a male perspective, let me tell you. They all read like neutered dogs. Also, what's up with the Wakefield house? It's weird that the girls act like they are just renting rooms. I'm glad they've got chores, since unlike most sixteen year olds they are too lame to have jobs, but their parents just float in and out, never fixing dinner or doing anything more than staring blankly into space. When I picture a scene with the parents in it, they stand there like my old ken and barbie dolls.
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